A Step-by-Step Guide to Self-Sabotage

Lo and behold, the (very secret) guide to self-sabotage, Evergreen Edition.

What I’m about to share with you is a secret that has been passed down from generation to generation within my family (and a couple of other families I know of). Read carefully and follow these instructions to a T.

You can add your own flavour, of course, and make them personalised, and hopefully increase their potency. After all, we want to be as effective as possible, don’t we?

One. Never thinketh the truth, never speaketh the truth. Swallow whatever sage advice you get from the powers that be.

Two. Don’t do what you honestly feel is your calling. Don’t follow your inner voice. Ignore it and pretend it’s not there. Whistle if you must. That helps somewhat.

Three. Follow the crowd and turn yourself into an automaton. Don’t you dare think of going left when everyone is going right. And whatever you do, for the love of Pete, don’t question the crowd for that would be counter-productive to your goal.

Four. Make rational and convincing excuses. Be thorough for it is chiefly important to convince yourself. Once you’ve hypnotised yourself you’ll have an easy job converting your disbelievers into trusted allies who will nod in agreement to your story, releasing all doubt. If cornered scream out in terror like a frightened cat. Do that thing cats do when they sense danger. Arch your back and look straight into your enemy’s eyes, and they will flee instantly. Hiss if you must.

Five. Whenever you notice, even if very subtly, any opportunities opening up in your life, run like hell. Turn away and run like a madman, as fast as you can. Deny the existence of any doors of possibility and turn a cold shoulder. If necessary put your fingers into your ears and scream whilst running.

I trust you will be able to follow these precise, proven steps to be as effective in your self-sabotage as possible. I trust in you. And so does god. You are a creator after all. You create each moment, and what you create, in turn, creates you. It’s an endless cycle.

And sure enough, when you look hard at yourself, you will find that you’ve already mastered these steps. Not only that, you’ve refined them and made them your own. You may have added a couple more, just for the fun of it. When you look around yourself you’ll see a familiar pattern with pretty much all of your fellows. You will realise that we’ve mastered self-defeating behaviour to a height rarely seen, much like when great actors transform themselves into their characters so completely that they forget who they originally started off as.

Why is it that we’ve mastered self-sabotage? In my very honest opinion, the root of the cause lies in the underlying beliefs we hold about ourselves, everyone else and the world at large. It’s the stories we keep telling ourselves in a hushed whisper. The lies that have been passed down from generation to generation, from one poor schmuck who didn’t know what the hell was going on, to another.

But I can see a silver lining creeping forth. Whilst your subconscious is a vast expanse, deeper then the deepest of oceans and darker than the darkest of corners in the Universe, there also hides, quite plainly, immense beauty; a light that is just as spectacular as the engulfing darkness. For in the deep of Yourself black and white forged an alliance, and in this alliance, they fooled us all. They appeared on-stage as if separate and tricked the whole lot.

You are a creator, no matter what way you look at it. You’re the force that happens to you. You are what keeps it all going.

And it’s also you who says stop to the game whenever you so desire.

Only you may not know it yet.

Do we dare look this truth into its dark eyes and face the abyss in order to see the light glimmer behind the façade?

We shall see, won’t we?

I publish essays on Medium, vlog on Youtube and host a daily podcast.

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Serenity now.

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